Fucking Santa

topic posted Thu, December 11, 2008 - 10:49 AM by  J-Rad
I'm reposting this from the Carols post as it's very important for all Santas to read and understand.

Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly, respectful, and cooperative with cops, security guards, park rangers, secret service agents, and store owners and doesn't break any laws!!!

Have your own special twisted fun, but DON'T FUCK IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. Our santas do not destroy property, steal merchandise, or do harm to others. The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa's antics in the loving holiday spirit Santa intends, so be nice to them.

If you can't show up for the start, get the cell number of someone who can help you catch up later.

Santa does not make children cry. Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. (Feel free to abuse their parents.)

Santa dresses for all occasions. It's December. Smart Santas wear mutliple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing Xmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole.

Bring gifts -- NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to give kids.

Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley is not. Don't be that Santa.

Pay your own god damn bar tab. Tip the bartenders generously for putting up with us.

Memorize these answers to important questions that may arise:
Q: Who's in charge?
A: Santa.

Q: What organization are you with?
A: Santa.

Q: What are you protesting?
A: Shitty holiday parties. (note: WE ARE NOT PROTESTERS!! We'd need a permit for that - and something serious to complain about...)

Q: How did you get here? A: A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

Q: Where are you going next?
A: I'm only allowed to tell you if you wear this hat and buy me a beer.
posted by:
SF Bay Area

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